I Have No Feelings (1986) might be the music that has moved me most deeply in all of Annette Peacock’s work. And I mean every aspect of it. The words are disarmingly honest, yet full of tenderness, and the music... the music feels not of this world. It’s one of the most singular compositions I’ve ever encountered: the free-flowing, fractured rhythms, the shimmering, almost brittle melodies, the haunting harmonies... the entire album is simply spellbinding.
One thing I’ve always admired in Peacock’s recordings is their internal coherence. Not only is her voice unmistakable, but each album feels like a world unto itself—carefully shaped and self-contained. Sky-skating is a beautiful example of that, but for me, I Have No Feelings is its true apogee.
Nothing Ever Was, Anyway
Soon
I
will
die
and everything will fade away
Nothing ever was, anyway.
Hold
your
self
to keep from going mad.
Days begin and end good or bad.
Things feel strange
when time don't change.
Sweet sadness
Oh how I welcome your low.
Happy will come soon.
Feel it all now.
Tomorrow may not
be the same slow.
***
Butterflies
Butterflies
fall sleepy
deeply in me
Pretty painted wings
fainting in my breast
Butterflies
that I feel
inside me
when I look into your eyes
(disappearing)
Maybe I
feel
why I need to believe you
Maybe
I'll ne-
ver try
***
I'm Not Perfect
I'm not perfect
If I were perfect —
then how would I amuse myself?
Perfection's useless, and it's boring.
I'm not perfect —
and neither are you
So why desire it's true for me?
Perfection's fiction, pure fantasy.
All I am and all I be
is here to share this real
and true with you —
present perfect.
Take me as you find me now.
Awake unblind to who
or how I am —
almost perfect.
Nothing's perfect.
***
I Have No Feelings
I have no feelings.
I feel no pain.
If it was raining
can't feel the rain.
Cells exploding in my brain.
Outness queen's
tranqu'd out again.
She left mama
years ago
for a dream called love.
I'll give up loving
and cut my hair.
I make no promise
(spoken sounds in air)
you know it's much too square.
And not be a woman anymore
and not be a human
that's for sure.
Death, warm death
fucked over me
in a dream called love.
So you can use my body,
it's just the shell.
***
THE CYNIC
WE'RE ALL SANDWICHES
THE MEAT BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH
ROTTING AWAY ON OUR BONES
LIKE SOME DEAD ANIMAL!
WE LIE LIKE THE RHINOCEROUS
BEATING OUR HEADS ON THE GROUND
STUCK IN THE MUD
AND WAITING TO DIE
TO BE DEVOURED
BY THE LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE
THEN EXCRETED BY INFINITY!
SO YOU SEE THAT WHATEVER YOU DO
YOU'RE JUST AMUSING YOURSELF!
***
The Carousel
Nothing disclosed at first
love is so dangerous.
We perform unrehearsed
and arrange to be hurt.
And around I go
like a carousel
since I fell
for love like a child
it drives me wild.
Wiser, but still naive
I continued to trust.
To my need I am bound
and it turns me around.
And around I go
like a carousel
since I fell
for love like a child
it drives me wild.
The attraction it seems
is to live for ones dreams.
But the dreams are the why
we succumb to the lie.
And around I go
like a carousel
since I fell
for love like a child
it drives me wild.
***
You've Left Me
You've left me.
My soul cannot contain the pain.
& everything reminds me of you
in 3D.
(The loneliness) means I'm ½ alive
but I realize it's not real.
Couldn't you just
come back for a while?
It's getting so hard to (feel)!
You've left —
— me now.
***
Sincereless
I lie here
While you touch me forever
but it never
seems to fill up my soul.
Listening
while you're telling your stories.
You must think
that's all need.
There must be more.
Must be for sure.
There must be
another dimension
to love in.
I'm wondering
if while loving
you're acting your loving.
***
Freefall
Bet you didn't think I'd last this long!
Funny, to see who's left standing.
Freefall's easy, it's the landing.
Lovers should never do you wrong.
But they do, so you
hope again this time that what you know's
not true.
***
This Almost Spring
It's almost spring
The crocuses in bloom
The sun diffused thick columns thru
the windows of my lonely room
I saw a butterfly today
It followed me a way
like this . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
And I thought of you
It's almost spring
And I can define the signs
The green of promise sings adagio
to the quickening heart
Just like the butterfly
who followed me a away
like this . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
And I do miss you —
this almost spring
***
The Feeling's Free
This move is not ideal —
but then what is, when it is real?
I play the hand
that life's dealt me.
Stand
and learn to bend with every blow
then turn
forgetful of the scars that show.
All that I ask is:
Don't tell me that you love me
so easily. The feeling's free.
(The feeling's free.)
The way is not as simple as it seems.
Not quite as perfect as one dreams
in the freedom.
You are just illusions you pursue
while I am just the feeling that I try.
All that I ask is:
Don't tell me that you love me
so easily. The feeling's free.
(The feeling's free.)
And life is just a process for the brave
who never asked to be enslaved
by the progress.
Everything is more than you require
while at once in less than I desire.
All that I ask is:
Don't tell me that you love me
so easily. The feeling's free.
(The feeling's free.)
***
A PERSONAL REVOLUTION
NO NOOKIE TILL THE NUKES ARE GONE
NO NOOKIE TILL THE NUKES ARE GONE
NO NOOKIE TILL THE NUKES ARE GONE
TILL OUR FUTURE'S SAFE AND SOUND.
I SAID, NO NOOKIE TILL THE NUKES ARE GONE!
TILL OUR WORLD IS SAFE FROM HARM.
WOMEN HAVE POWER OVER MEN
SEXUALY AND NUMERICALLY.
I LEAVE IT TO YOUR DISCRETION.
AFTER ALL IT IS A PERSONAL DECISION
A PERSONAL DEMONSTRATION
A PERSONAL REVOLUTION
NO!
***
Not Enough
If love could save the world
a Christ would die again.
To love and understand is not enough.
The use of time's not fun
if money makes us run
when love and understanding's not enough.
By accepting the collective
unreality that we are superior
representatives of civilized, christian behaviour
we perpetuate a patriotic, psychotic
lie — that enables profit to be made
by rejecting instinctive moral and
christian responsibility!
We know it's doom before
and still consume for war
no trust no understanding is enough.
The spring may always spring
and birds may always sing
but love and understanding's not enough.
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